A discussion about Mom, from her loving Daughter

Mom is living alone now, in the house we grew up in. It’s just me and my brother to help look after Mom. My brother lives in an adjacent state and, with family and demanding job, doesn’t have the opportunity to visit very often.  That has left me to be the one to visit and care for Mom, but that trip is a 4 hour round trip.  I have other obligations, so I find it hard to be there often. I have trouble carving out the time to make the trip. I’m often torn between helping Mom and caring for my own family. When I do get to visit, I want to spend that time with Mom.  I want to check on her, help her with groceries, cleaning out the fridge or help her find new shoes.  But at the same time, I see things not getting done around the house.

At first is was just noticing the things high up weren’t getting dusted.  Then I noticed little things I knew Dad would have fixed before it ever became a problem.  Now towel racks are loose, doorknobs aren’t quite right and there’s an issue with the toilet.  I find myself torn between fixing the issues I see that need attention and spending time with Mom.

Then I worry about her medications.  Is she taking them on the right schedule? I can’t even think about what might happen if she forgets she’s taken them and takes them again.  I found myself worrying about the worst case senario constantly. Her blood pressure medication is the one that worries me the most. Uggh, I feel this has landed on my shoulders and what is the right thing to do?  My brother says Mom’s taken care of us for years, she can surely take care of herself.  I, on the other hand, am the one visiting and I notice things here and there. Recently I found mail throughout the house. One of these was the power bill.  The lights are on so I know she’s paid the power bill but would I know before it was completely turned off?

About four months ago I broached the subject of the future and making some decisions. Yikes, you would have though I threatened her life.  This didn’t go over well and frankly I didn’t anticipate the conversation would go irrevocably bad. Talking over the phone since then, Mom has been a little less open about what’s she’s been doing, a little less open about any negative items or needs.  Since our little talk,  I’ve only been hearing ‘everything is just fine here’.

I decided I needed a little help to broach the subject and help Mom plan for the future.  I contacted Genesis Estates and they helped me understand things from Mom’s point of view.  We’re back on solid ground and we made our deposit recently for Mom and all is on track.  I’m glad someone understands…

"...this has landed on my shoulders..."

One daughter's path navigating her Mother's options

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